Please Stop Asking Me to Drive for You, Uber

I shall not, never

Photo by Joseph Chan on Unsplash

Uber, I won’t drive for you, no matter how many times you ask.

And you ask as much as a child asks for a toy in Target. But, I never asked you to know who I am, or how to reach me. I’ve never even taken an Uber or ordered an eat. Please leave me be.

Two and a half years ago, my youngest offspring, in an attempt at independence, decided to try to get a ride from a vehicle in your fleet. At that time, she was under 18, and so proceeded to sign up under my name because I am way over 18.

I was vaguely aware of what she was up to, but I was attempting to be a parent who lets her little birdie fly. I told her she could take the bus, or a cab, or sign up for a rideshare, fully expecting her to choose public transportation. Surprisingly, she opened an Uber account, and in her haste, she chose a driver account apparently.

Once she realized her error, we guffawed mightily as I am no fan of driving, and she deleted it. She thought. I thought.

But weekly, sometimes more, I still get a text or an email trying to entice me to join your driving empire. And the hourly amount I “might” earn is always included. Important: “might” is different from “will” earn, my anonymous Uber admirer. It wouldn’t matter what amount you put, I…