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Schedule Of Someone Who Might Purchase Candles During An Online Semi-Annual Sale
Where is the free shipping code?
9:00 AM- Check email and see new candle scents added on day 27 of sale I previously ignored. Crack knuckles, refill coffee with just more coffee, not more creamer.
9:05 AM- Read reviews of every ocean/beach/sea scented candle to ascertain none are the dreaded “mandle” and potentially smell of Girbaud jeans wearing/ Drakkar doused boys who danced at under 21-year-old nights at Narcissus nightclub until it became a Gap in 1993.
10:05 AM- Realize work meeting started five minutes ago, so regretfully leave cart. Blow it a kiss.
11:30 AM- Return to shopping cart. See ominous “Some items in your shopping cart are no longer available” message. Fall to knees, screaming “Why non-existent God? Why?”
11:35 AM- Neighbor’s dog finally stops barking after the outburst.
12:00 PM- Shopping cart contains six candles, and six foaming soaps because liquid soap makes a gelatinous mess on all surfaces. Each sink and shelf will have perfectly coordinated scents for months. Bliss.
12:02 PM- Begin searching for internet coupons to get free shipping.
